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Marriage: A Context on Spiritual Formation and Maturity

I was born and raised by responsible parents. That’s how I say it not just because they are my parents; but they have done everything to provide for our needs. They have known and accepted the Lord Jesus Christ since we were kids. That’s why I could say we grew up in a Christian community. However, being just new Christians then, our parents have struggled in their relationship with each other. I could just recall one vivid memories of their quarrel that led to our mother’s attempt to leave our father. In fact, she attempted several times in the past which I could hardly recall as kid. Every time she would attempt to leave, my father would beg her to stay. She also realized that she could not afford to raise us in a dysfunctional family.

When our father boarded the ship as domestic seaman, our mother has continued in deepening her relationship with God. Unfortunately, our father went back to drinking liquor. It was this vice that they used to argue about before. Despite of that, our father labored enough to provide for our needs and to secure our future through education. Surprisingly, God has done something to our mother. She had learned to love our father the way he was. She had improved in controlling her temper each time she saw him drunk. Since then, I had never seen them fight that way they fought before. What I saw was my mother’s genuine love for our father. In effect, when our father died on December 2006, she was greatly affected and she mourned for him until she was hospitalized for depression.

God has used our church family who prayed for and encouraged her through exhortation. Now she has continued in serving God, reaching our neighbors and helping some of our relatives with dysfunctional family. My older brother married a matured Christian wife, blessed with lovely daughter and another baby to come. My younger brother is also actively serving the Lord in our home church and also one of the young adults that I disciple. Our family is busy serving and honoring God!

Every time my friends ask me when I am going to get married, I would always say, “when I reach 35”. But my point was, I am not ready yet, I am not prepared yet, and it is not my priority. I am not ready because I am still praying and searching for someone. I am not financially prepared at this time to marry her, even if I have her and we’re engaged today. And it is not priority because I am enjoying my life serving God while I’m single! In addition to this, I am seeing my relatives whose children are suffering from their poverty and unplanned marriage. I thought it is just a fear. Through the years of learning, re-learning, and affirmation, I have learned that it is the perspective of a renewed mind in Christ Jesus. And as youth pastor, it is my responsibility to model this perspective to my youth and young adults and to next generations.

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